"Jews, Christians and Muslims have united, ushering in 10 years of Van Halen."
[Rock out to the all-new episode “Ginger Cow” here: http://cart.mn/ginger-cow]
Christopher Columbus was pissed, he had set sail towards India diligently, yet here he was two months later totally lost! His crew mates were as interesting as a stick in the mud. Which he used to find exciting, but one can only see so many sticks and so much mud before one becomes accustomed to it. The ocean no longer looked pretty and the sun was too damned bright. His ships were hideous and infuriated him even more deeply. “I seriously, seriously hate myself and want to die right now” he thought to himself like an angst filled teenager or a very obsessed Kurt Cobain fan. “Yo! Yo Chris!” Yelled one of his shipmates. “What is it now dammit!” He yelled viciously. “Dude, we totally see land up yonder man!” This frustrated Chris, “Well then, sail towards it obviously! I mean Jesus do you have to tell me everything. Don’t you have any common sense. If something seems obvious, well than JUST DO IT!” He said unaware that this would one day be the slogan for the Nike Corporation. “Well alright then….asshole” muttered the burly man to himself. Chris looked at the land ahead and thought about all the people he would soon have to kill, subjugate and eventually exploit. “Oh,the boredom!”